Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Stress & The Struggle

I'm under a lot of stress. I don't have a regular income and I'm behind on meeting our budget, plus there's nothing on the horizon to make up the difference. On top of it all, the stress has driven me to masturbation and porn. This makes me feel like God had better hold off from blessing me until I get the message and get my life back in order. That doesn't seem very easy right now. I want to escape and the escape that's right at my fingertips is masterbation & maybe porn (If I can find some). The advantage of the porn filter I'm using is that it does a good job, which means I don't "know" that my computer is the gateway to finding porn. In my last post I said that prayer helps and it does - when you use it. The questions need to be asked again. Does God love me more than I love myself? Yes. Can I trust that His ways will provide the true happiness I seek? Okay, I can buy that. So I'll pray.

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